Such a typical Borderline thing. Sometimes my moods just plummet through the floor, deeper; all I can do is watch. Or, is it a mood if all I can think of to describe it is: the absence of mood. I cannot pinpoint a specific reason. I am a hollow shell. I am non-existent. I am a human phantom.
I want to go away.
I am none of these things but I feel: I feel the whole world I feel nothing.
My emotions feel like seas in which to float or almost drown. Intertwine and move away again. Now I wander through dried-up plains, non-moving. I can shape the water but I cannot shape the drought.
My moods creeps through the cracks of my skull until they are everywhere. Fill me with absence. I drip invisibly out of myself; I am worthless, I am no one.
But: I am, I feel –
And: If my destiny is written in the stars, I will draw my universe.