In words I’d long to be lost forever

In words I’d long to be lost forever,
or found within a story to tell
A string of sound, to swirl up,
up, away from here, solid ground,

Then, if I were not I, but told,
from now until the end
I would lay down in silence,
until I am told again.

Dream of I, in words, to create, erase
in bodiless ease forget, relieve
Oh, mother, chase the silence from behind
my weary brittle eyes,

If you would let me be – –
Words, then, after I am told, to tiptoe
to the end of sadness, leaving
in words to take the blame.


Winter’s fading breath

Winter sighs, one final breath,
before it turns its back,
let the sky drop her last, thin blanket
upon still sleeping earth
I move out among no one
but naked trees, if I imagine the sound
of cars as waves, I can pretend,
seeing the world’s end

Seeing, feeling, falling slightly apart,
and how I long now to detach,
sever my slight existence, then
float away, perhaps to return, some day,
not knowing, bodiless like the breeze,
so that even I
can’t touch me, like now;

Cold arms move me, solidly,
in wide eyed longing, now only
the sound of my feet in my ears,
breathing vapor, breathless
to diminish, diminish, until
I am insignificant enough
not to feel me anymore
all the time

Wishing upon home (poem)

If sadness were
my home
to hold me
to shrink back
and be safe
this time

If sadness were
would it maybe
not hurt so much
to lose?

I breathe clouds
of silence
No sun or moon
I can’t
dream the stars
in the sky

If sadness

If I could
go home

From sadness, to you (poem)

I meant to write about my quiet mind,
mere existence, sheltered against the rain
falling only around me, but sadness came
and wrapped its drops inside of me,
all-over through me; you know
I cannot resist to softly drown inside

Sadness and me, we live like one, then,
inside my upside-down world
Fill my mind with flooded deserts, before
we swim into oceans long since dried
And sadness, tell me I need you
Cover me in your soft blue shell
I shrink like Alice, fade me out, then
wear my body like a vacancy sign

Sadness, we, together; I am all alone
So for now, consume me
In tender absence cool my blood
and free me from life’s longing –

But I need you now, in spite of me;
Miles away, I can almost touch –
But mute, I cannot tell you –

I wrap myself up, away from me,
and I know you cannot reach me here
Still, the sharpest sting:
In my pouring silence –
you do not try

Borderline II (poem)

I love English but sometimes it just doesn’t fit. And it feels too confusing to suddenly post in Dutch here. So there is silence, then (at least on here).

How, somehow, quiet equals sad
How night is light, yet –
Oh, my days they were so bright

How giving in, sometimes,
Is how I can conquer a fight
How drowning is to breathe

How I cannot stand until I fall –
Then, how I cannot stand to fall –
Then, how I fall, I fall

How in love, I miss my hardest days
Then, how I yearn, I learn
How you suffocate me –
Still, how I am alive.